About Judgement

"White Water Rafters on the Kananaskis River" copyright July 2008 by Roger Joyeux

 

Several times in the past month, different people have accused me of judging them and I hadn't even opened my mouth. I simply sat there while they each proceeded to tell me what they had done, why they had done it, why I was judging them and how upset they were. I am still mind boggled by the events. For, as I said, I hadn't spoken, said anything, or done anything. I felt like the white water rafters in the picture, moving along at a good speed, and falling over rapids each time I was accused of being judgemental.  It was like watching rushing water sweep me away. 

I am not saying that I have never been judgemental!  I believe we all pass through a stage of being very judgemental - right vs wrong, mostly.  I think many of us realize that we are looking at a situation through a very narrow focus, and we outgrow the judging as we mature. 

The judging they were attributing to me was actually taking place in their own heads and they gave voice to this judgement as though it came from me. Because I found the experience both fascinating and scary at the same time, I have started doing research about judgement.

What I learned in the last several days is:

1. There are two types of judgement, one that is discerning and inquisitive that we use to uncover a truth about something, and that truth becomes our opinion. We generally call this critical thinking. We can take a situation and diagnose it and come to a good conclusion. If a leader does this in a situation, we say that he/she has "good judgement."

2. The second type of judgement is narrowly focused and either faintly (passive) or overtly aggressive, and usually is a negative evaluation of something. We might refer to this as passing "sentence" on whatever the item/action is. Quite often the opinion has already been formed before the item/action.

3. Judgement is something that we learn.  We do learn it from our parents and siblings, especially if we are the youngest in the family.

4. Judgement is a form of comparison.  Where does it come from - the comparison?  Mostly from a convoluted set of Norms that our parents inherited, and that our village or tribe teaches us.  The big message is "we are right and everyone else is wrong!"

5. Judgement, although we try to externalize it, is always about us.  When something comes up that makes us want to pick it apart and say why it is right or wrong, and justify that view to ourselves, know that an issue is brewing.  It will come out over and over, with decreasing spaces between episodes until we "do" something with it.

6. Judgement if applied to every experience causes one to lose the present or moment of the experience.  It is hard to be in the moment if you are thinking up all the things in your life that make this occasion right or wrong.  To be in the moment means not to look backwards or to look forwards.

7. We are truly more judgemental towards ourselves then others.  In Munay-Ki, one of the vows one must take prior to receiving the rites is "harm no one" or "violence to none".  This is tough because it includes harm to one's self.  It means that the person must be KIND to themselves.  Most of us have grown up with a litany of all the character flaws and behavioural flaws that we have playing in our heads all the time.  Beating one's self up verbally is not being kind!

It also seems that judgement is a world wide human trait.

Be kind to your self today, and soon you will be kind to everyone.

Judith    (www.angelsandancestors.com)